Funny Developer Comments

Krisan Alfa September 11, 2017

I recently stumbled upon an awesome Stack Overflow thread, entitled “What is the best comment in source code you have ever encountered?”. As you might have guessed, it is a collection of funny source code comments, provided by developers all over the world. Take a look at it, it could definitely make your day. I am reposting here my personal favorites from that long long collection:

$up = new Exception("Something is really wrong.");
throw up;  // Ha-ha
// When I wrote this, only God and I understood what I was doing
// Now, God only knows
foreach($collection as $model) {
    break; // Hammertime!
}
// Sometimes, I believe compiler ignores all my comments
// I dedicate all this code, all my work, to my wife, Darlene, who will
// have to support me and our three children and the dog once it gets
// released into the public.
// somedev1 -  06/07/02 Adding temporary tracking of Login screen
// somedev2 -  05/22/07 Temporary my ass
// Drunk, fix later
// Magic. Do not touch.
#define TRUE FALSE
// Happy debugging suckers
// I'm sorry.
return 1; // Returns 1
try {
    // Do something stupid
} catch (Exception $e) {
    // Who cares?
}
/*
 * You may think you know what the following code does.
 * But you dont. Trust me.
 * Fiddle with it, and youll spend many a sleepless
 * night cursing the moment you thought youd be clever
 * enough to "optimize" the code below.
 * Now close this file and go play with something else.
 */
try {

} finally { // Should never happen
}
const int TEN=10; // As if the value of 10 will fluctuate...
// This code sucks, you know it and I know it.
// Fix this and call me an idiot later.
/////////////////////////////////////// this is a well commented line
// I don't know why I need this, but it stops the people being upside-down
$x = -($x);
// I am not sure if we need this, but too scared to delete.
$this->doRun->run($run);  // "A doo run run run". I bet you sing it.
// To understand recursion, see the bottom of this file
// A very nasty long code apears
// To understand recursion, see the top of this file
// I am not responsible of this code.
// The previous developer is.
// They made me write it, against my will.
/* I did this the other way */
// A long code
/* Please work */
// A long code
/* Don't read */
// No comments for you
// It was hard to write.
// So it should be hard to read.
options.BatchSize = 300; // Madness? THIS IS SPARTA!
// Code below replaces code above - any problems?
// Guess what?
// Yeah, it doesn't f*cking work.
class Act // That's me!!!
{
    ...
}
public isDirty() {
    $dirty = true;

    // Why do you always go out and
    return $dirty;
}
Repeat
    ...
Until (JesusChristsReturn) ' Not sure
// Catching exceptions is for communists
// If this code works, it was written by Paul DiLascia.
// If not, I don't know who wrote it.
// This formula is right, work out the math yourself if you don't believe me.
// Comment this later
// Remove this if you wanna be fired
// This is becoz you messed with me the other day
if ($current_admin->name == "myname") {
    sleep(1000 * 3600);
    die();
}
// Peter wrote this, nobody knows what it does, don't change it!
// John! If you’ll svn remove this once more,
// I’ll shut you, for God’s sake!
// That piece of code is not "something strange"!
// That is THE AUTH VALIDATION.
try {
} catch (SQLException $e) {
    // Basically, without saying too much, you’re screwed. Royally and totally.
} catch(Exception $e) {
    // If you thought you were screwed before, boy have I news for you!!!
}
// If you’re reading this,
// that means you've been put in charge of my previous project.
// I am so, so sorry for you. God bless you.
/**
* For the brave souls who get this far: You are the chosen ones,
* the valiant knights of programming who toil away, without rest,
* fixing our most awful code. To you, true saviors, kings of men,
* I say this: never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down,
* never gonna run around and desert you. Never gonna make you cry,
* never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
*/
//
// Dear maintainer:
//
// Once you are done trying to 'optimize' this routine,
// and have realized what a terrible mistake that was,
// please increment the following counter as a warning
// to the next guy:
//
// total_hours_wasted_here = 42
//
// Autogenerated, do not edit. All changes will be undone.
// Replaces with spaces the braces in cases where braces in places cause stasis
$str = str_replace(array("\{","\}"), " ", $str);
// Christmas tree initializer
$toConnect = []
$toRead =   [  ]
$toWrite = [    ]
$primes = [      ]
$responses = {}
$remaining = {}
long long ago; /* in a galaxy far far away */
// If this comment is removed the program will blow up
// Dear future me. Please forgive me.
// I can't even begin to express how sorry I am.
/* You are not meant to understand this */
// I am not sure why this works but it fixes the problem.
// Hack for IE browser (assuming that IE is a browser)
// I know the line below is wrong, but it came that way from our IP vendor, and
// the driver won't work if you "fix" it. I've had to revert this change 4 times
// now. Leave it alone, or I will hunt you down and hurt you
if ($r === 0) {
    /* bunch of code here */
} else {
   /* even more code here */
}
// This comment included for the benefit of anyone grepping for swearwords: sh*t.
try {

} catch (PartInitException $pie) {
    // Mmm... pie

    die(); // Ha-ha
}
// This comment is self explanatory.
// This only exists because Scott doesn't know how to use const correctly.
// Safety pig has arrived!
$text = h($text);

//                               _
//  _._ _..._ .-',     _.._(`))
// '-. `     '  /-._.-'    ',/
//    )         \            '.
//   / _    _    |             \
//  |  a    a    /              |
//  \   .-.                     ;
//   '-('' ).-'       ,'       ;
//      '-;           |      .'
//         \           \    /
//         | 7  .__  _.-\   \
//         | |  |  ``/  /`  /
//        /,_|  |   /,_/   /
//           /,_/      '`-'
---
/*
After hours of consulting the tome of Google,
I have discovered that by the will of unknown forces
without the below line, IE7 believes that 6px = 12px
*/
font-size: 0 !important;
if (/*you*/ $_GET['action']) { // , please celebrate with me!

Cheers!

Original post by @krisanalfa